Oh hey kids. This post will be short, but sweet, just like that sex I paid for last night midgets a sugar cane with stunted growth. Now that “social media” (facebook, myspace, twitter, etc etc) is COMPLETELY and utterly mainstream and part of our society, I thought I should address an internet pandemic of sorts; “feel good updates”. These are status updates or picture captions mostly, but can be used in basically any online medium that allows the writer to express their opinion — that opinion being, everything is great and sunny and bright and awesome and their lives are perfect all the time and everything is wonderful always.

The perpetrators are almost always female, and consist of updates that are like “I did this this this today, everything is FANTABULOUS I HAVE THE BEST OF FRIENDS SMOOCHES”, or “My life is amazing, I love everything about it, today was the best day ever, blah blah blah”.

There are two major reasons why these updates piss me off. First, anybody who has ever existed in the real world knows that its physically impossible to be as happy as they are attempting to portray themselves as all the time. Its ridiculous, and a facade…which leads me to my next reason: manipulation. Women are naturally manipulative creatures, and not just to men; to other women, and more than anything…themselves. Women HAVE to convince themselves their lives aren’t as sub-par or shitty as they actually are otherwise they’d go fucking insane. Most of them don’t have the mental fortitude to survive a life that isn’t plagued by ridiculous and undeserved expectations (see: Sex and the City), let alone their “normal” lives. So they overdramatize their lives and make them seem highly more interesting, fun, and “sunshiney” than they actually are, with primary motives being for self-help and secondary being to fool others into being jealous of their OMG TOTALLY AWESOME LIVES LOL.

tl;dr? - Girls who have status updates constantly touting how awesome their lives are are fucking liars, and probably bipolar.