Oh hay. Sorry for lack of updates; I know I periodically don’t post for a while and say “sorry” although I don’t really know why i’m apologizing; its my fucking blog and i’ll do what I want. But if you must know, I up and moved to South Korea for a job and have had pretty shitty internet for the past month and you’d be amazed how easy it is to just NOT do anything that requires work on the internet when you have a crap connection. That combined with the fact that I haven’t had the same streamline of internet awesomeness that I had back home, because I guess when you “go out” you have something called “a life” that is separate from staying on the computer all day. I know, weird right? Its a strange experience, but don’t worry, I won’t let it keep me from you too long <3. I’ll just have to pack my internet nerd rage into a shorter amount of time.

First things first; comments. Some of you aren’t complete fuckers and comment every once in a while, but for the most part I don’t really give a shit. But nothing can explain the unadulterated joy I felt when I logged in this morning and saw 800+ some comments….they like me! They really like me!!! (LOL GET IT CUZ THAT ONE TIME SALLY FIELD SAID IT)

Of course they were spammers, spamming the fuck out of me like spammers do. The thing I don’t get, while a majority of them were telling me how to make my junk bigger, a lot of them are also just fake ego-strokes, with nothing but a link attached. What the hell?

Uh, thanks, but I don’t accept compliments in broken English, as many Koreans are learning the hard way. Anyways, it seems most spammers are basing their spamology on who-fucking-knows what logic, but I’m guessing they think i’m going to click on said attached link because they gave me a compliment that makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Yeah, asshole, cause I really think that “Brandon@yahoo.com” is a legitimate email address. When was that created, 15 years ago? “O Brandon, godfather of the internet, I thank thee for spending your time reading my shitty blog instead of selling that email address for a shitload of money. By the way, do you insure boats?”

Although, I will admit “insuranceturd.info” is a pretty hilarious domain name…but of course the webpage is just a broken link with some bad code.

In other news, here is some funny stuff. There was other stuff, but this is the only stuff I can remember.

The 5 Most Badass US Presidents Of All Time. Awesome

Thinking of starting a heavy metal band? Follow the flow chart. (I linked because the image is quite large. Hilarious, though.

Some people are placing bets on when Patrick Swayze will die. I’m not one of these horrible creatures, but i’m also not a compulsive liar. Either way, a member made this picture and it pretty much made my day:

In slightly less hilarious but still pretty cool news, when I was spending hours reading Wikipedia the other day because thats perfectly normal to do, I came across the flag of the famous pirate Edward Teach, better known as Blackbeard’s pirate flag:

There’s nothing particularly amazing about it, I just thought it was cool for being made about 300 years ago. It looks like it’d be a t-shirt for a band or a cool album cover or something. I especially like the heart. Cause its getting stabbed by a demon with a spear. And as many Emos will tell you, thats what getting dumped feels like, especially when they do it on prom night when you were supposed to be their date but then you catch her on her knees with the quarterback in the mens bathroom and you run out the front doors sobbing and drive home and get wasted off of your parents leftover wine coolers and then my mom found me in my underwear curled up next to the washing machine the next morning. Kinda like that.